Post by redsycorax on Oct 27, 2018 0:02:18 GMT
"Wait a minute!" Lightswitch said as the Freedom Brigade Troubalert activated, breaking his conversation with Bat Woman.
"Why is there so much static with that image, Black Vulcan?" Bat Woman asked their artificial intelligence.
"Shoot, not sure. I've had to dial down the colour change and the picture quality came like that."
"Why are they acting so strangely?"
"Yes, I noticed that too, Dirk. Not very well. And they're definitely low-rez. Apparently, Mercury is inhabited and being devastated by a war between Rock and Crystal People who intend to destroy the planet's 'nuclear core.' Which is completely at odds with the Pioneer 12 mission data. No silicon based lifeforms there. And apparently, there are no females of their respective species. I'm not sure how the destruction of Mercury could 'devastate the entire solar system.' This is definitely Earth-F territory- crap narrative and continuity and low production values."
Black Vulcan noted: "They have a bargain basement Justice League too- Superman, Aquaman, Flash, Green Lantern and Atom. 'Kay. Analysis reveals that Superman's invulnerability and superstrength is erratic, Green Lantern is called the "Cosmic Crusader," Flash calls Atom "Squirt" or even "Peanut", Atom calls Flash "Flasheroo," and they use descriptive terms like "Scarlet Streak," "Mighty Mite", "Tiny Titan", "Winged Wonder" and "Man of Steel" in everyday conversation. Villains are introduced without reference to their background or motivation. And why do their voices all sound alike?"
"Awful repetitious sound effects. Nope, it's not Earth-F. The Heisenberg Alternate Probability Index reads Earth-1967, which is presumably an alternate Earth with really, really low production values."
"Should we contact the others?"
"Mr Might and Green Trashcan have detected the oncoming threat too. They'll be joining us shortly."
"Look, Flasheroo! Supervillains!" Atom gasped
"I see them, Peanut! Superman! Protect us from these fiendish evildoers!" Flash exclaimed
"Cosmic Crusader! We need your help too! They may have kryptonite!" Superman exposited
"Why are they all speaking so stiltedly and in exclamation marks?" Bat Woman critiqued
"Look out, Green Lantern! Arghhh!"
"Who is that blue skinned dude who just threw himself in front of Mel's smelloring odour stream?"
"Y-you just deaded my blue-skinned Venusian assistant, Kyro!!" Green Lantern snarled.
"'Venusian assistant?' Um, they do realise Venus is usually an uninhabitable hellworld or seltzer-water waterworld in most alternate universes?" Lightswitch observed.
"I've worked out the datum is 1967 on their world, which figures. 'Deaded?' And that's five years after Mariner II found Venus was uninhabitable. Shocking scientific inaccuracy" Bat Woman said, puzzled.
Pow! Wham! Sock! Kablooie! Slap! went the quotidian bad sound effects, which fortunately erased the awful incidental music.
"Nyahahaha! I am Queen Sirena, tyrannical ruler of the Sargasso Planetoid! Watch me use my Electomagnobeam and my armless horned yellow alien servitors!"
Bat Woman engaged in some instrumental violence to knock the slender, greenskinned breastless queen out, as Mr Might cleared his throats:
"You appear to be under the misimpression that we're supervillains. We're not. We are the Freedom Brigade of the United States, law enforcement and justice agency metahuman protectors of our particular alternate Earth."
"Beepy! Stop these lawless interlopers! Arrgh!" Green Lantern said as a non-yellow raybeam knocked him out.
"'Beepy?' Oh, that must be a reference to that badly drawn red owl creature." Lightswitch deduced.
"We have no time to deal with you now! We must stop a destructive pulse of light from Pluto!!" Superman cried
"Two exclamation marks that time?" Lightswitch said incredulously.
"'Pluto?!' That planet's awfully close to be Pluto..." Bat Woman raised an eyebrow. Mr Might's long distance vision revealed more puzzling anomalies:
"Humanoid beings, an orange sky and no signs of frozen atmosphere. Also, that's very large to be a dwarf planet..." Mr Might frowned.
Unfortunately, at that moment, Bat Woman stepped backward, impaling Atom on the end of her high heels:
"Peanut!!!" Flash sobbed.
"Flasheroo. Say...goodbye...to Jean... for me."
"You villainous fiends!" Hawkman said accusingly
"You fiendish villains!!" Superman echoed, in a breathtaking disregard for original dialogue.
"I think we should conveniently forget our anti-killing code and skewer them, Man of Tomorrow."
"There's another way out of this. Ancient Neonian technology!"
"Knowing how reliable your world's technology actually is, Cliff, I suggest a hasty retreat back to our world."
"Hurrah! The heinous threat to our world is ended! The Justice League wins again!!!" Aquaman grinned, as Flash cradled the lifeless form of the Atom in his hands:
"Oh, Mighty Mite..."
"Oh, Kyro..." Green Lantern said, holding the hand of his groggy colleague.
"Right, let's assemble in the transmatter cube and get out of here. Farewell, Earth-1967." The Freedom Brigade away team teleported away from their site of battle, where no clouds were visible over the Earth and the outlines of North and South America were geographically inconsistent. But would it be the last time the Freedom Brigade had a ... Crisis on Loz-Rez Earth?
THE END
TO BE CONTINUED
"Why is there so much static with that image, Black Vulcan?" Bat Woman asked their artificial intelligence.
"Shoot, not sure. I've had to dial down the colour change and the picture quality came like that."
"Why are they acting so strangely?"
"Yes, I noticed that too, Dirk. Not very well. And they're definitely low-rez. Apparently, Mercury is inhabited and being devastated by a war between Rock and Crystal People who intend to destroy the planet's 'nuclear core.' Which is completely at odds with the Pioneer 12 mission data. No silicon based lifeforms there. And apparently, there are no females of their respective species. I'm not sure how the destruction of Mercury could 'devastate the entire solar system.' This is definitely Earth-F territory- crap narrative and continuity and low production values."
Black Vulcan noted: "They have a bargain basement Justice League too- Superman, Aquaman, Flash, Green Lantern and Atom. 'Kay. Analysis reveals that Superman's invulnerability and superstrength is erratic, Green Lantern is called the "Cosmic Crusader," Flash calls Atom "Squirt" or even "Peanut", Atom calls Flash "Flasheroo," and they use descriptive terms like "Scarlet Streak," "Mighty Mite", "Tiny Titan", "Winged Wonder" and "Man of Steel" in everyday conversation. Villains are introduced without reference to their background or motivation. And why do their voices all sound alike?"
"Awful repetitious sound effects. Nope, it's not Earth-F. The Heisenberg Alternate Probability Index reads Earth-1967, which is presumably an alternate Earth with really, really low production values."
"Should we contact the others?"
"Mr Might and Green Trashcan have detected the oncoming threat too. They'll be joining us shortly."
"Look, Flasheroo! Supervillains!" Atom gasped
"I see them, Peanut! Superman! Protect us from these fiendish evildoers!" Flash exclaimed
"Cosmic Crusader! We need your help too! They may have kryptonite!" Superman exposited
"Why are they all speaking so stiltedly and in exclamation marks?" Bat Woman critiqued
"Look out, Green Lantern! Arghhh!"
"Who is that blue skinned dude who just threw himself in front of Mel's smelloring odour stream?"
"Y-you just deaded my blue-skinned Venusian assistant, Kyro!!" Green Lantern snarled.
"'Venusian assistant?' Um, they do realise Venus is usually an uninhabitable hellworld or seltzer-water waterworld in most alternate universes?" Lightswitch observed.
"I've worked out the datum is 1967 on their world, which figures. 'Deaded?' And that's five years after Mariner II found Venus was uninhabitable. Shocking scientific inaccuracy" Bat Woman said, puzzled.
Pow! Wham! Sock! Kablooie! Slap! went the quotidian bad sound effects, which fortunately erased the awful incidental music.
"Nyahahaha! I am Queen Sirena, tyrannical ruler of the Sargasso Planetoid! Watch me use my Electomagnobeam and my armless horned yellow alien servitors!"
Bat Woman engaged in some instrumental violence to knock the slender, greenskinned breastless queen out, as Mr Might cleared his throats:
"You appear to be under the misimpression that we're supervillains. We're not. We are the Freedom Brigade of the United States, law enforcement and justice agency metahuman protectors of our particular alternate Earth."
"Beepy! Stop these lawless interlopers! Arrgh!" Green Lantern said as a non-yellow raybeam knocked him out.
"'Beepy?' Oh, that must be a reference to that badly drawn red owl creature." Lightswitch deduced.
"We have no time to deal with you now! We must stop a destructive pulse of light from Pluto!!" Superman cried
"Two exclamation marks that time?" Lightswitch said incredulously.
"'Pluto?!' That planet's awfully close to be Pluto..." Bat Woman raised an eyebrow. Mr Might's long distance vision revealed more puzzling anomalies:
"Humanoid beings, an orange sky and no signs of frozen atmosphere. Also, that's very large to be a dwarf planet..." Mr Might frowned.
Unfortunately, at that moment, Bat Woman stepped backward, impaling Atom on the end of her high heels:
"Peanut!!!" Flash sobbed.
"Flasheroo. Say...goodbye...to Jean... for me."
"You villainous fiends!" Hawkman said accusingly
"You fiendish villains!!" Superman echoed, in a breathtaking disregard for original dialogue.
"I think we should conveniently forget our anti-killing code and skewer them, Man of Tomorrow."
"There's another way out of this. Ancient Neonian technology!"
"Knowing how reliable your world's technology actually is, Cliff, I suggest a hasty retreat back to our world."
"Hurrah! The heinous threat to our world is ended! The Justice League wins again!!!" Aquaman grinned, as Flash cradled the lifeless form of the Atom in his hands:
"Oh, Mighty Mite..."
"Oh, Kyro..." Green Lantern said, holding the hand of his groggy colleague.
"Right, let's assemble in the transmatter cube and get out of here. Farewell, Earth-1967." The Freedom Brigade away team teleported away from their site of battle, where no clouds were visible over the Earth and the outlines of North and South America were geographically inconsistent. But would it be the last time the Freedom Brigade had a ... Crisis on Loz-Rez Earth?
THE END
TO BE CONTINUED