Post by redsycorax on Feb 19, 2023 2:23:12 GMT
On the far flung away alternate Earth-1650, Superguy's best pal Jiminy Olsin has got himself into a pickle in the European past, circa 1650. He's imprisoned on Devil's Food Island, and what's worse, the warden, Lord L, is a bald person with a tacky goatee beard. Jiminy suspects that he's in the clammy clutches of a forebear of Lix Lithir, Superguy's worst enemy, given that balditude is hereditary on this Earth and he sort of looks like Lithir. Now, read on...
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1650:
"Gulp," thought Jiminy Olsin, Superguy's Best Pal, "I tripped over and fell into an inadvertent time warp while out walking Krtpyo, Superguy's Krtpyonese dog. Now I'm trapped in the past until Superguy realises that something's wrong. For some reason, I'm on Devil's Food Island, the notorious French heavy duty penal colony and someone who looks an awful lot like Lix Lithir except with really bad facial hair is in charge of the place!"
"Ha, Jiminy Olsin! All you have to do is sign this handy certificate in seventeenth century French, which you can miraculously talk and read, and I shall free you from naughty French servitude."
"Don't do it, ginger-headed ingenue fellow prisoner! Lord Ell is not what he seems, a middle-aged bald guy with badly trimmed facial hair and wrinkles under his chin."
But due to plot inconsistencies and intermittent holes, Jiminy couldn't understand the seventeenth century French of his fellow prisoner. He thought:
"Gulp again. It's been a week, my clothes are in tatters and Superguy hasn't turned up. And I'm not sure I like the look of his whips and chains. This isn't a Wonder Woman 1940s adventure by William Moulton Marston, after all. Hey, why can I suddenly understand Lord L?" [Unfortunately for Jiminy, he then inadvertantly signed the devils contract without thinking, but it fell into a plot hole that just happened to be lying around and wouldn't resurface for another three centuries. Lord Ell seemed happy]:
"Righty then. Incidentally, here's your green jacket and red bow-tie back."
As Jiminy dressed, suddenly a convenient strong gust of wind blew Lord L's unconvincing fake bald top off his head. And moreover, there were horns underneath:
"Gulp for the third time! So Lord L isn't Lix Lithir or a convenient French ancestor of his, but Old Nick, Satan, Mephistopheles or Lucifer. He's trying to trick me into signing an eternal contract to sell my soul! Wait a minute, I have a convenient plot device!" "Er, Lord Lucifer, how would you like a nice meal? I'm told I'm quite a cook."
"Sounds interesting. I look forward to the meal in question."
And predictably, given this is a particularly bad Jiminy Olsin story, Lord L's artifice was all to naught. He took one bite of the cake Jiminy had prepared for him as a side-dish, screamed and flashed into hell fire.
METRIPOLOS:
Instantaneously, Jiminy was catapulted back into the twentieth century for no particularly good reason: "Phew," he thought, "luckily devils can't abide Angel Food Cake. Ah, Loosi Lime, my air stewardess girlfriend. Awp! Why are you sporting horns and a pitchfork?!"
"Ha haha haha hahahaha! Jiminy Olsin, you fool! Didn't you realise that Lord Loosyfur was actually my distant ancestor and my real name is Loosi Loosyfur, the Devil's Daughter!!! Well, it's too late now! You signed my ancestor's certificate of soul sale and it's eternally binding! Now I can torment you for eternity!" For yes, Loosi had found the contract Jiminy had signed with Lord Ell in the aforementioned plot hole and realised that it was still active four hundred years later. How convenient for her. Poor Jiminy!
"No! No!" But this time, Superguy couldn't save him, as a supernaturally strong Loosi Loosyfur dragged him off to the Infernal Realm.
Source: "The Mysterious Lord of Devil's Island" Jimmy Olsen 65 (December 1962): dc.fandom.com/wiki/Superman%27s_Pal_Jimmy_Olsen_Vol_1
THE END [3.22 PM, FEBRUARY 19, 2023]
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1650:
"Gulp," thought Jiminy Olsin, Superguy's Best Pal, "I tripped over and fell into an inadvertent time warp while out walking Krtpyo, Superguy's Krtpyonese dog. Now I'm trapped in the past until Superguy realises that something's wrong. For some reason, I'm on Devil's Food Island, the notorious French heavy duty penal colony and someone who looks an awful lot like Lix Lithir except with really bad facial hair is in charge of the place!"
"Ha, Jiminy Olsin! All you have to do is sign this handy certificate in seventeenth century French, which you can miraculously talk and read, and I shall free you from naughty French servitude."
"Don't do it, ginger-headed ingenue fellow prisoner! Lord Ell is not what he seems, a middle-aged bald guy with badly trimmed facial hair and wrinkles under his chin."
But due to plot inconsistencies and intermittent holes, Jiminy couldn't understand the seventeenth century French of his fellow prisoner. He thought:
"Gulp again. It's been a week, my clothes are in tatters and Superguy hasn't turned up. And I'm not sure I like the look of his whips and chains. This isn't a Wonder Woman 1940s adventure by William Moulton Marston, after all. Hey, why can I suddenly understand Lord L?" [Unfortunately for Jiminy, he then inadvertantly signed the devils contract without thinking, but it fell into a plot hole that just happened to be lying around and wouldn't resurface for another three centuries. Lord Ell seemed happy]:
"Righty then. Incidentally, here's your green jacket and red bow-tie back."
As Jiminy dressed, suddenly a convenient strong gust of wind blew Lord L's unconvincing fake bald top off his head. And moreover, there were horns underneath:
"Gulp for the third time! So Lord L isn't Lix Lithir or a convenient French ancestor of his, but Old Nick, Satan, Mephistopheles or Lucifer. He's trying to trick me into signing an eternal contract to sell my soul! Wait a minute, I have a convenient plot device!" "Er, Lord Lucifer, how would you like a nice meal? I'm told I'm quite a cook."
"Sounds interesting. I look forward to the meal in question."
And predictably, given this is a particularly bad Jiminy Olsin story, Lord L's artifice was all to naught. He took one bite of the cake Jiminy had prepared for him as a side-dish, screamed and flashed into hell fire.
METRIPOLOS:
Instantaneously, Jiminy was catapulted back into the twentieth century for no particularly good reason: "Phew," he thought, "luckily devils can't abide Angel Food Cake. Ah, Loosi Lime, my air stewardess girlfriend. Awp! Why are you sporting horns and a pitchfork?!"
"Ha haha haha hahahaha! Jiminy Olsin, you fool! Didn't you realise that Lord Loosyfur was actually my distant ancestor and my real name is Loosi Loosyfur, the Devil's Daughter!!! Well, it's too late now! You signed my ancestor's certificate of soul sale and it's eternally binding! Now I can torment you for eternity!" For yes, Loosi had found the contract Jiminy had signed with Lord Ell in the aforementioned plot hole and realised that it was still active four hundred years later. How convenient for her. Poor Jiminy!
"No! No!" But this time, Superguy couldn't save him, as a supernaturally strong Loosi Loosyfur dragged him off to the Infernal Realm.
Source: "The Mysterious Lord of Devil's Island" Jimmy Olsen 65 (December 1962): dc.fandom.com/wiki/Superman%27s_Pal_Jimmy_Olsen_Vol_1
THE END [3.22 PM, FEBRUARY 19, 2023]
