Post by redsycorax on Mar 3, 2023 3:12:47 GMT
On Earth-3711, Superfellow's best pal is clot reporter Joomy Illsen of the Daily Posset newspaper. One day, Joomy turns into one of the non-existent white stone creatures of the planet Jupiter. What happens next? Well...
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NOTROPOLIS:
One day, in the burbling city of Notropolis, Joomy Illsen was investigating an experimental matter transporter teleport device created by Professor Preposterous Postulate. And you can probably guess what happened next. Yes, that's right. Joomy tripped over a convenient loose cable and his flailing hand abruptly turned on the device. Because it was an experimental device and not yet perfected, it managed to accidentally duplicate the same set of circumstances that Professor Shoal Idle had used to pluck the Martini Manhandler from the adjacent red planet, stranding J'aimmz J'aakybs on Earth.
As the smoke cleared, Joomy had metamorphosed into a white stone-featured bald creature with a compressed nose and unblinking eyes. For (gasp) yes!!! Even though Jupiter was a gas giant, without any solid surface and extremely unlikely to evolve even remotely humanoid, let alone carbon-based, life forms as a result, Joomy had fused with one of the inhabitants of the immense, red spotted oblate spheroid planet. Don't ask me why the composite "Joomy from Jupiter" could somehow breathe nitrogen and oxygen when Jupiter's atmosphere consists predominantly of hydrogen, methane and ammonia either. It's the Silver Age- it doesn't have to be scientifically valid or even coherent!
As Click Kramp, secretly the mighty Superfellow, scanned Joomy from Jupiter with his microscopic and X-ray vision, Joomy's Jovian telepathic abilities informed him what Click was thinking: Hmm, my microscopic and X-ray vision reveal Joomy has metamorphosed into one of the inhabitants of Jupiter due to that clumsy incident with Professor Postulate's experimental matter transporter teleport unit.
Great Callisto the Space Cow, thought Joomy, with my quite convenient alien telepathic abilities, I've just read Click's mind and found out he's Superfellow!!!
"Gasp! Oh, Joomy! You've transformed yourself into a monster from Jupiter! For the one thousand and thirty first time, our relationship is over!" Lizzy Loot, his air stewardess girlfriend, sobbed as she ran away from yet another highly unlikely Illsen transformation.
"So what? Jupiterians are completely asexual and reproduce by budding. Added to which, I'm not a kinky xenophile pervert like you and Loris Loot are, Superfellow!"
Click was flummoxed! "Great Scones of Marzipan, Joomy! You've become an telepathic alien and read my mind! My secret identity is no longer a secret!"
"Uh, given that you're exactly the same build as Superman and that you have the same hairstyle apart from Superman's spit curl and Click's glasses, duh! Look, it doesn't take an alien supergenius to work that out. Why do you dress as Click anyway, Superfellow? Are you some kind of alien space transvestite who gets stimulated by dressing as a Terran?"
"I don't like the way this dialogue is going, particularly given that it's significantly out of synch with the morality of late fifties American suburbia."
"Tough. I'm going to join the Justice Liaison of Activity too."
"But with your alien physiology, you'll frighten ordinary Earth humans!" Superfellow protested.
"Wow, you've acclimatised well, haven't you? Tough. Incidentally, why haven't you totally eliminated global famine, disease and poverty?"
"Because humans have to do that on their own. Added to which, my brain hurts whenever I try to do it."
"I've had a totally inexplicable case of megalomania! I shall mentally enslave the JLA and use them to conquer the Earth!"
And with that, Joomy teleported away. Superfellow tried to give chase, but then he looked in an office window and discovered something had happened to him!
"Great Scones of Marzipan! I've become a female Superfellow! How can I fight an enemy with the ability to defy logic, morality and common sense that way?!" Superfellow quaked in fear. What would Joomy do to him next? Would he be transliterated into a baboon, or a police chief, or a circus clown?!! At which point, a Notropolis Police Department Pink Maria car screeched to a halt: "Sorry, Superfellowlady! You're under arrest for wearing the clothes of the opposite sex."
"No! No! Not the curse of Republican obsession with policing gender identity! Sob! Oh, my crime fighting career is over!" And Superfellowlady let himself be led away in chains, with a horde of Faux News journalists covering the abrupt arrest of the World's Mightiest Man Woman. As for Joomy Illsen, he was true to his word. He took over the JLA with his superior alien intellect and then took over the Earth as a result. For millions of years thereafter, Earth humans were slaves of the White Stone Genderless Jupiterians, with Joomy Illsen serving as Supreme Neuter in Chief. All because of the bizarre outcome of an advanced scientific experiment that had created... Joomy from Jupiter!!!
Source: "The Jimmy Olsen from Jupiter!" Jimmy Olsen 32 (October 1958): comicvine.gamespot.com/supermans-pal-jimmy-olsen-32-the-jimmy-olsen-from-/4000-123258/
THE END [4.15 PM, MARCH 3, 2023]
++
NOTROPOLIS:
One day, in the burbling city of Notropolis, Joomy Illsen was investigating an experimental matter transporter teleport device created by Professor Preposterous Postulate. And you can probably guess what happened next. Yes, that's right. Joomy tripped over a convenient loose cable and his flailing hand abruptly turned on the device. Because it was an experimental device and not yet perfected, it managed to accidentally duplicate the same set of circumstances that Professor Shoal Idle had used to pluck the Martini Manhandler from the adjacent red planet, stranding J'aimmz J'aakybs on Earth.
As the smoke cleared, Joomy had metamorphosed into a white stone-featured bald creature with a compressed nose and unblinking eyes. For (gasp) yes!!! Even though Jupiter was a gas giant, without any solid surface and extremely unlikely to evolve even remotely humanoid, let alone carbon-based, life forms as a result, Joomy had fused with one of the inhabitants of the immense, red spotted oblate spheroid planet. Don't ask me why the composite "Joomy from Jupiter" could somehow breathe nitrogen and oxygen when Jupiter's atmosphere consists predominantly of hydrogen, methane and ammonia either. It's the Silver Age- it doesn't have to be scientifically valid or even coherent!
As Click Kramp, secretly the mighty Superfellow, scanned Joomy from Jupiter with his microscopic and X-ray vision, Joomy's Jovian telepathic abilities informed him what Click was thinking: Hmm, my microscopic and X-ray vision reveal Joomy has metamorphosed into one of the inhabitants of Jupiter due to that clumsy incident with Professor Postulate's experimental matter transporter teleport unit.
Great Callisto the Space Cow, thought Joomy, with my quite convenient alien telepathic abilities, I've just read Click's mind and found out he's Superfellow!!!
"Gasp! Oh, Joomy! You've transformed yourself into a monster from Jupiter! For the one thousand and thirty first time, our relationship is over!" Lizzy Loot, his air stewardess girlfriend, sobbed as she ran away from yet another highly unlikely Illsen transformation.
"So what? Jupiterians are completely asexual and reproduce by budding. Added to which, I'm not a kinky xenophile pervert like you and Loris Loot are, Superfellow!"
Click was flummoxed! "Great Scones of Marzipan, Joomy! You've become an telepathic alien and read my mind! My secret identity is no longer a secret!"
"Uh, given that you're exactly the same build as Superman and that you have the same hairstyle apart from Superman's spit curl and Click's glasses, duh! Look, it doesn't take an alien supergenius to work that out. Why do you dress as Click anyway, Superfellow? Are you some kind of alien space transvestite who gets stimulated by dressing as a Terran?"
"I don't like the way this dialogue is going, particularly given that it's significantly out of synch with the morality of late fifties American suburbia."
"Tough. I'm going to join the Justice Liaison of Activity too."
"But with your alien physiology, you'll frighten ordinary Earth humans!" Superfellow protested.
"Wow, you've acclimatised well, haven't you? Tough. Incidentally, why haven't you totally eliminated global famine, disease and poverty?"
"Because humans have to do that on their own. Added to which, my brain hurts whenever I try to do it."
"I've had a totally inexplicable case of megalomania! I shall mentally enslave the JLA and use them to conquer the Earth!"
And with that, Joomy teleported away. Superfellow tried to give chase, but then he looked in an office window and discovered something had happened to him!
"Great Scones of Marzipan! I've become a female Superfellow! How can I fight an enemy with the ability to defy logic, morality and common sense that way?!" Superfellow quaked in fear. What would Joomy do to him next? Would he be transliterated into a baboon, or a police chief, or a circus clown?!! At which point, a Notropolis Police Department Pink Maria car screeched to a halt: "Sorry, Superfellowlady! You're under arrest for wearing the clothes of the opposite sex."
"No! No! Not the curse of Republican obsession with policing gender identity! Sob! Oh, my crime fighting career is over!" And Superfellowlady let himself be led away in chains, with a horde of Faux News journalists covering the abrupt arrest of the World's Mightiest Man Woman. As for Joomy Illsen, he was true to his word. He took over the JLA with his superior alien intellect and then took over the Earth as a result. For millions of years thereafter, Earth humans were slaves of the White Stone Genderless Jupiterians, with Joomy Illsen serving as Supreme Neuter in Chief. All because of the bizarre outcome of an advanced scientific experiment that had created... Joomy from Jupiter!!!
Source: "The Jimmy Olsen from Jupiter!" Jimmy Olsen 32 (October 1958): comicvine.gamespot.com/supermans-pal-jimmy-olsen-32-the-jimmy-olsen-from-/4000-123258/
THE END [4.15 PM, MARCH 3, 2023]
