Post by redsycorax on Mar 12, 2023 2:06:32 GMT
Come with us now to yet another weird alternate Earth within the Dork Multiverse that took off on its own tangent. Yes, it involves yet another AU Jimmy Olsen, or as this AU version is called here, Jimitry Oozin... [Bad Naughtiness Warning: This story contains the word 'decadent' several times, scantily clad gyrating redheaded male cub reporters, space empresses lounging on chaise longues eating bon-bons, small alien dogs and polygamous quadruple husbandoids!]
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MORTOPOLIS:
Unfortunately, it was a Wednesday on Earth-2309, which meant that in the bustling great city of Mortopolis, a covert superbeing gazed upward at the horribly beweaponed armada of vessels that had just rather inconveniently materialised high above the Earth. Finding a deserted closet, Klerp Kront hurriedly changed into the Man of Tempestuousness, Superindividual. As he soared aloft, he was confronted by a massive holographic image of a seductive yet slightly middle-aged woman. She was decadently popping chocolate bonbons into her mouth, draped over a chaise-longue, with a horde of small alien dogoids yapping around her. [Yes, I know that doesn't sound very decadent, but the Comics Coercion Authority prevented anything more salacious back in the sixties...Author]
"Earth human creatures! I, the mighty Ilona, Space Empress of the far-out Sultrev Galaxy wants to have the nubile, comely Jimitry Oozin of the Daily Plant as my lurid scantily clad man-concubine! Otherwise my murderdeath kill rays will lay waste to your primitive planet! And incidentally, Superindividual, we have polka-dotted and striped kryptonite onhand so that you will not foil my evil decadent schemes! Nyahahahahah! Ha!" As Superindividual trained his x-ray vision on the vessels, he confirmed his worst fears. He had to consent to having Jimitry Oozin, his best pal and sycophant yanked off Earth so that he could serve as the nubile scantily clad redheaded man-ingenue plaything of a decadent space empress! Decadent, decadent, decadent, I tell you!
EMPRESS ILONA'S FLAGSHIP:
"Ha, Jimitry Oozin! Your shapely man-ingenue form pleasures me! Here, don this scantily clad gauze veil and short shorts and gyrate arousingly for me!"
Jimitry gulped. Was this to be his life forever now? Would he be naught but a damp washcloth for the decadent desires of this strange space empress of a far-out galaxy? As he gyrated for Space Empress Ilona's decadent and unseemly interest, three middle aged men were glaring at him:
"Oh, where are my manners? Man-Concubine Ingenue Jimitry Oozin, may I introduce my quadruple husbandoids- Regor, Vengaboi, Duranduran and Uttaberk?"
Jimitry didn't like the looks of the four middle-aged men, primarily because they were as scantily clad as he was, and all had seen better days:
"So this is the Man-Ingenue who will replace us as the Space Empress' man-concubine! Hah! We shall show him the secrets of our advanced Sultrev technology."
The capricious quartet of husbandoids wheeled out a large blaster device and aimed it at Jimitry. Instantly, Jimitry mutated into a rotund figure with pointy ears and a large nose:
"Behold yourself, sinful man-concubine! For we have transmogrified you into our Empress' ideal erotic object to several hundred thousand decimal places."
Hmmm. Jimitry thought. Hey, wait, if polyandry is perfectly okay in the Sultrev Galaxy, I think I'll bring some of my own reinforcements to the wedding. That'll get me out of this scrape for sure!
And thus it was that Jimitry showed up with two 'hags', who were actually Lepus Lint (his Daily Plant colleague) and his girlfirend and Lepus' sister, Luna Lint in cunning disguise. But to his dismay, Empress Ilona clapped her hands together in delight!: "Jimitry Oozin! I thought you were a man virgin, but I see you are actually experienced in pleasuring women! Of course I shall accomodate your existing wives!" This was not what Jimitry wanted. Although his ultrasonic signal bowtie frantically called Superindividual, all he got was an engaged signal.
Out in space, Superindividual smirked. There. He'd gotten rid of that redheaded pest who kept having to get rescued and also rid himself of that creepy female journalist stalker of his, Lepus Lint, at the same time! And thus, Jimitry Oozin remained a nubile scantily clad man plaything for the decadent wiles of the decadent Space Empress Ilona in her decadent Sultrev Galaxy and was forever lost to decadence, or at least until he became old and saggy like Regor, Vengaboi, Duranduran and Uttaberk, who had been sent to the Sultrev Galaxy Rest Home for Decrepit Former Male Playthings of Decadent Space Empresses. Sorry, my word processor kept jamming and now it won't erase the word 'decadent.'
THE END [3.05 PM, MARCH 12, 2023]
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MORTOPOLIS:
Unfortunately, it was a Wednesday on Earth-2309, which meant that in the bustling great city of Mortopolis, a covert superbeing gazed upward at the horribly beweaponed armada of vessels that had just rather inconveniently materialised high above the Earth. Finding a deserted closet, Klerp Kront hurriedly changed into the Man of Tempestuousness, Superindividual. As he soared aloft, he was confronted by a massive holographic image of a seductive yet slightly middle-aged woman. She was decadently popping chocolate bonbons into her mouth, draped over a chaise-longue, with a horde of small alien dogoids yapping around her. [Yes, I know that doesn't sound very decadent, but the Comics Coercion Authority prevented anything more salacious back in the sixties...Author]
"Earth human creatures! I, the mighty Ilona, Space Empress of the far-out Sultrev Galaxy wants to have the nubile, comely Jimitry Oozin of the Daily Plant as my lurid scantily clad man-concubine! Otherwise my murderdeath kill rays will lay waste to your primitive planet! And incidentally, Superindividual, we have polka-dotted and striped kryptonite onhand so that you will not foil my evil decadent schemes! Nyahahahahah! Ha!" As Superindividual trained his x-ray vision on the vessels, he confirmed his worst fears. He had to consent to having Jimitry Oozin, his best pal and sycophant yanked off Earth so that he could serve as the nubile scantily clad redheaded man-ingenue plaything of a decadent space empress! Decadent, decadent, decadent, I tell you!
EMPRESS ILONA'S FLAGSHIP:
"Ha, Jimitry Oozin! Your shapely man-ingenue form pleasures me! Here, don this scantily clad gauze veil and short shorts and gyrate arousingly for me!"
Jimitry gulped. Was this to be his life forever now? Would he be naught but a damp washcloth for the decadent desires of this strange space empress of a far-out galaxy? As he gyrated for Space Empress Ilona's decadent and unseemly interest, three middle aged men were glaring at him:
"Oh, where are my manners? Man-Concubine Ingenue Jimitry Oozin, may I introduce my quadruple husbandoids- Regor, Vengaboi, Duranduran and Uttaberk?"
Jimitry didn't like the looks of the four middle-aged men, primarily because they were as scantily clad as he was, and all had seen better days:
"So this is the Man-Ingenue who will replace us as the Space Empress' man-concubine! Hah! We shall show him the secrets of our advanced Sultrev technology."
The capricious quartet of husbandoids wheeled out a large blaster device and aimed it at Jimitry. Instantly, Jimitry mutated into a rotund figure with pointy ears and a large nose:
"Behold yourself, sinful man-concubine! For we have transmogrified you into our Empress' ideal erotic object to several hundred thousand decimal places."
Hmmm. Jimitry thought. Hey, wait, if polyandry is perfectly okay in the Sultrev Galaxy, I think I'll bring some of my own reinforcements to the wedding. That'll get me out of this scrape for sure!
And thus it was that Jimitry showed up with two 'hags', who were actually Lepus Lint (his Daily Plant colleague) and his girlfirend and Lepus' sister, Luna Lint in cunning disguise. But to his dismay, Empress Ilona clapped her hands together in delight!: "Jimitry Oozin! I thought you were a man virgin, but I see you are actually experienced in pleasuring women! Of course I shall accomodate your existing wives!" This was not what Jimitry wanted. Although his ultrasonic signal bowtie frantically called Superindividual, all he got was an engaged signal.
Out in space, Superindividual smirked. There. He'd gotten rid of that redheaded pest who kept having to get rescued and also rid himself of that creepy female journalist stalker of his, Lepus Lint, at the same time! And thus, Jimitry Oozin remained a nubile scantily clad man plaything for the decadent wiles of the decadent Space Empress Ilona in her decadent Sultrev Galaxy and was forever lost to decadence, or at least until he became old and saggy like Regor, Vengaboi, Duranduran and Uttaberk, who had been sent to the Sultrev Galaxy Rest Home for Decrepit Former Male Playthings of Decadent Space Empresses. Sorry, my word processor kept jamming and now it won't erase the word 'decadent.'
THE END [3.05 PM, MARCH 12, 2023]