Post by redsycorax on Mar 12, 2023 23:02:14 GMT
For some reason, my word processor is packed full of Jimmy Olsen parody stories and won't print anything else out at the moment. I may need to take a large screwdriver to it and see why there are so many of them. Anyhow, behold the saga of one such AU Jimmy, Jinny Oopsen and his encounter with... Allura, the Space Giantess!!!
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MISTROPOLIS:
Jinny Oopsen, intrepid small animal reporter for the Daily Parrot great mistropolitan newspaper, suddenly noticed his gigantic television had suddenly switched to an image of a large-haired woman with two blue suns and an alien cityscape behind her: "Ha, Jinny Oopsen! I have heard of your wacky and surrealist adventures and wish to endow you with prodigious telepathic abilities and superpowers like your friend Superstud! Please board my intergalactic flying saucer so I can marry you, a small animal reporter from a dawn atomic age world, even though I am a galactic empress of a highly technologically advanced intergalactic society that spans thousands of planets!"
Hmmm, Jinny thought, either I grow old and decrepit waiting for heck to freeze over and for my buddy Superstud to finally agree to Lippy Lemming's repeated entreaties to marry him so I can finally get hitched to her sister Leary Lemming, or I get betrothed to this alien space empress, even though things came to no good in an alternate universe involving that other space empress. Oh, all right then!
But after Jinny had boarded the intergalactic vessel and travelled off to the far distant galaxy of Ashtar in it, out tumbled several hobbits from a highly convenient but hithetro inexplicably ignored inter-universal portal: "Hobbits?! Does J.R.R. Tolkien know you're moonlighting in bargain basement fan fiction like this?"
"I am Bubo Bagpuss, intrepid Middle Earth hobbit explorer! And as you may guess, I'm here to warn you that your friend Jinny Oopsen, the small animal reporter for the Daily Parrot, faces an awful fate on that faraway world! Many are the hobbits who have tumbled into that temptestuous woman's clutches! It is not nice!"
"But why?" Leary Lemming asked earnestly.
"Because... Empress Allura is... anti-sizist!"
"Yes, but these are the sixties and political correctness hasn't been invented yet."
"You misunderstand. That's relevant because..."
ASHTAR GALAXY:
Jinny Oopsen looked upward at the giantess Allura who was about twenty four feet in height and who looked down at him eagerly:
"Why, Allura, you didn't tell me you were a giantess by Earth standards."
"It matters not, Jinny Oopsen. You see, I prefer tiny men."
"Okay, so I guess that explains the somewhat creased and torn Ashtarian copies of Lord of the Rings with hobbit bits underlined in shocking pick highlighter and the somewhat creative fan art. Oh, all right. What?"
"Could you please step into this unexpected ray beam's path so I can mass produce you and have a gestalt harem?"
And they all lived somewhat strangely ever after.
Arrgh! Look out! It's a horde of Jimmyolsens with lemming genes and they're rushing toward and over that cliff!
THE END [12.00 PM, MARCH 13, 2023]
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MISTROPOLIS:
Jinny Oopsen, intrepid small animal reporter for the Daily Parrot great mistropolitan newspaper, suddenly noticed his gigantic television had suddenly switched to an image of a large-haired woman with two blue suns and an alien cityscape behind her: "Ha, Jinny Oopsen! I have heard of your wacky and surrealist adventures and wish to endow you with prodigious telepathic abilities and superpowers like your friend Superstud! Please board my intergalactic flying saucer so I can marry you, a small animal reporter from a dawn atomic age world, even though I am a galactic empress of a highly technologically advanced intergalactic society that spans thousands of planets!"
Hmmm, Jinny thought, either I grow old and decrepit waiting for heck to freeze over and for my buddy Superstud to finally agree to Lippy Lemming's repeated entreaties to marry him so I can finally get hitched to her sister Leary Lemming, or I get betrothed to this alien space empress, even though things came to no good in an alternate universe involving that other space empress. Oh, all right then!
But after Jinny had boarded the intergalactic vessel and travelled off to the far distant galaxy of Ashtar in it, out tumbled several hobbits from a highly convenient but hithetro inexplicably ignored inter-universal portal: "Hobbits?! Does J.R.R. Tolkien know you're moonlighting in bargain basement fan fiction like this?"
"I am Bubo Bagpuss, intrepid Middle Earth hobbit explorer! And as you may guess, I'm here to warn you that your friend Jinny Oopsen, the small animal reporter for the Daily Parrot, faces an awful fate on that faraway world! Many are the hobbits who have tumbled into that temptestuous woman's clutches! It is not nice!"
"But why?" Leary Lemming asked earnestly.
"Because... Empress Allura is... anti-sizist!"
"Yes, but these are the sixties and political correctness hasn't been invented yet."
"You misunderstand. That's relevant because..."
ASHTAR GALAXY:
Jinny Oopsen looked upward at the giantess Allura who was about twenty four feet in height and who looked down at him eagerly:
"Why, Allura, you didn't tell me you were a giantess by Earth standards."
"It matters not, Jinny Oopsen. You see, I prefer tiny men."
"Okay, so I guess that explains the somewhat creased and torn Ashtarian copies of Lord of the Rings with hobbit bits underlined in shocking pick highlighter and the somewhat creative fan art. Oh, all right. What?"
"Could you please step into this unexpected ray beam's path so I can mass produce you and have a gestalt harem?"
And they all lived somewhat strangely ever after.
Arrgh! Look out! It's a horde of Jimmyolsens with lemming genes and they're rushing toward and over that cliff!
THE END [12.00 PM, MARCH 13, 2023]