Post by DocQuantum on Sept 16, 2023 23:01:22 GMT
Chapter 1: Apocalypse O'Clock
by Doc Quantum, with Comickook
Once upon a time on a deserted island, there lived an oddball pair known as Robin Crusoe, the pleasantly plump orange bird in a makeshift robe, and his loyal sidekick, Friday, a primitive black cat in a grass skirt. (*)
[(*) Editor's note: See Robin Crusoe, Funny Folks #8 (June-July, 1947).]
One sunny day, Friday spotted a peculiar threat approaching their bamboo hut. Giant sloths, furry and slothful, lumbered their way across the island. Friday, torn between fear and excitement, decided to take action.
With a heroic leap, Friday pounced onto the sloth leader, startling it. "HIYAAAAAA!" he cried out. "Take dat, you colossal sloth!"
Empowered by his own audacity, Friday tried to lead the sloths away from their bamboo sanctuary. However, there was a snag. The stubborn sloth wouldn't budge in the right direction, and Friday began to fret.
In a panic, he cried out to his companion, Robin Crusoe, who appeared utterly unfazed, lounging on a hammock and sipping a fruity drink. He chirped, "Hey, Friday! We're in a pickle, and your performance is less than purrfect!"
Friday smirked back, retorting, "Remember, Boss, it's your hut too! An' I haven't totally mucked things up... yet."
Desperate to divert the slothful threat, Friday deployed all his feline ingenuity, even considering dangling a yarn ball to lure them away. Finally, in a last-ditch effort, his shrewd tactics prevailed, and the sloths changed course, sparing their bamboo abode.
Filled with triumph and a dash of self-pride, Friday boasted, "Look, Boss! I did it! I saved da hut! Get ready for a catnip party in my honor!"
As he envisioned a feast of his favorite treats and the accolades that would follow, Friday's ego swelled. However, his celebration hit a snag when an unnoticed tree branch sent him tumbling off the sloth's back with a loud THUD. Friday yelped in surprise.
Determined not to let a minor hiccup tarnish his newfound hero status, Friday faced the mysterious creature responsible for his fall. "Challenge me, beast!" he declared. "Friday is a hero! I fear no--"
But when he looked in the direction the giant sloths had gone, what he now saw defied belief. A futuristic world with gleaming metal towers and flying contraptions stretched before him. It left him awestruck, and he rushed back to Robin Crusoe, urging him to see the marvel.
Unenthusiastic, Robin left his comfy hammock, skeptical of Friday's story. However, when they arrived, the futuristic city had vanished, leaving only sand dunes and the endless sea. Friday puzzled aloud, "What happened to da city? Who played hide 'n' seek wit' it?"
Dismissing Friday's wild tale, Robin returned to his hammock, shaking his head. "Sure, pal, sure. You probably took a coconut to the noggin," he quipped.
Although deflated, Friday remained proud of his heroic feat, nodding in agreement. "Yer right, Boss. Maybe some coconut got da best of me. Let's ferget dat city and revel in my triumph!"
But Friday still couldn't help but wonder where the giant sloths could have gone to. The mystery would endure, but it didn't dampen his spirit.
***
In the futuristic capital city of Canine-Feline World, the Space Canine Patrol Agents, joined by Power Puss of the Space Cat Patrol Agents, had set out to find their missing friend, Lady Bird-Dog. (*)
[(*) Editor's note: See "The Dog from S.C.P.A.," Superboy #131 (July, 1966).]
Hot Dog, the Dachshund, scratched his head in confusion. "Where's Lady Bird-Dog disappeared to?"
Paw Pooch, the blue Dalmatian, comforted him. "Don't worry, Hot Dog. We'll find her!"
Hot Dog sighed with relief. "Good, because we can't just leave her hanging!"
Chameleon Collie, the camouflage expert, asked, "Mammoth Miss, any idea why she didn't signal us?"
Mammoth Miss, who could grow huge, shook her head. "I've got no clue. She doesn't usually vanish like this."
Power Puss, the space-savvy cat, perked up. "Wait, Chameleon Collie, do you hear that?"
Chameleon Collie focused on his communicator. "Oh yes, Power Puss. I hear it loud and clear. It's our top dog, Tail Terrier, and it sounds like trouble!"
Tail Terrier's green-furred hologram appeared, sending an urgent message. "Chameleon Collie, Ghost Pup, Hot Dog, Mammoth Miss, and Power Puss, I need you at Paws Plaza immediately! Something fishy's happening!"
At Paws Plaza, two police dogs in a hovercar witnessed large primitive animals causing chaos.
One of the officers, named Sid, exclaimed, "Holy cats! What are those?"
Freddy, his partner, was more composed. "They're giant sloths. But I've got one question..."
Sid leaned in. "What is it, Freddy?"
"How did they end up here?" yowled Freddy. "They've been extinct for ages!"
Below, police dogs prepared to shoot the sloths.
The captain ordered, "Ready... aim... and..."
But Ghost Pup appeared, floating up out of the ground and halting the plan. "Hold your fire! We've got this!"
The captain changed his tune. "Cease fire! It's the Space Canine Patrol Agents!"
One police dog quipped, "Well, they've sure marked their territory, anyway!"
Power Puss used lightning to startle the sloths. ZAP! ZAP! "This will only work so much!" she declared. "These giant sloths need a leader to follow!"
Hot Dog urged his fellow SCPA member, "Hurry, Chameleon Collie! We can't lose Lady Bird-Dog's trail!"
Chameleon Collie blended with the sloths. "Don't worry, Hot Dog. I've got this. Mammoth Miss, ready?"
At the drop of a hat, Mammoth Miss grew herself much bigger and rounder than she'd been before. "As ready as a big dog can be!"
She had begun to reach for the sloths, when they suddenly vanished. "They're disappearing?" muttered Mammoth Miss.
Power Puss was puzzled. "Where did they go?"
Ghost Pup couldn't figure it out, either. "First Lady Bird-Dog vanishes, then these giant sloths appear and vanish. I can't make heads nor tails of it!"
The police captain scratched his head. "Better contact your top dog."
As if on cue, Tail Terrier's voice broke through the SCPA communicators, sounding urgent, "Forget the sloths and Lady Bird-Dog for now. We have a bigger problem! An anti-matter energy surge is heading to Earth, strong enough to obliterate the universe!"
***
In a peculiar corner of the multiverse, a black-feathered duck named Cluck Trent, sporting a navy blue suit and hat, a flamboyant red bowtie, and scholarly glasses, had a ringside seat to the arrival of an extraordinary assembly. The likes of Pewriah, Powdered Toast Man, Ren and Stimpy, Super Goof, his pals Mickey and Donald, Underdog, and Hoppy the Marvel Bunny had landed in his world. Stupor Duck's knowledge about them barely scratched the surface, but their appearances hinted at incredible power.
With a furrowed brow, Stupor Duck decided to face the threat they might pose. In his finest theatrical voice, he lifted one hand and declared, "Thisth looksth like a job for... Sthtupor Duck!" In a whirlwind of activity, he swiftly donned his iconic blue tights and red cape.
Stupor Duck zoomed after Pewriah and his peculiar posse. First, he surprised Powdered Toast Man with a colossal punch. Then, in a slapstick frenzy, he clanged Ren and Stimpy's heads together like cymbals, leaving Hoppy no time to react. Super Goof, too engrossed in safeguarding Mickey and Donald, watched in awe, while Underdog patiently waited for his moment to shine. Pewriah, well-versed in these super-hero skirmishes, simply sighed from the sidelines, having witnessed countless misunderstandings before.
"Look, buddy, if it's trouble you're looking for, you came to the right rabbit," quipped Hoppy the Marvel Bunny. He zipped toward Stupor Duck at breakneck speed, pinning him against a wall. Stupor Duck wriggled free just in the nick of time, narrowly dodging Hoppy's punch, which, unintentionally, left a rabbit-shaped hole in a massive four-foot-thick brick wall.
Undeterred by the bunny-sized mishap, Stupor Duck initiated a super-spin that would have impressed any top-notch ballerina. He finally managed to dislodge Hoppy and retaliated with a punch that could knock the socks off a herd of elephants. But to his amazement, Hoppy remained not only standing but floating, grinning from ear to ear.
"I don't get it. I put enough musthcle behind that punch to kayo three eight-hundred-pound gorillasth," Stupor Duck muttered, perplexed. His confusion led him to unleash a frosty exhalation of super-breath on Hoppy, encasing the Marvel Bunny in a sizeable block of ice.
"There!" Stupor Duck proudly proclaimed. "That should teach you not to invade the home turf of... Sthtupor Duck. After all, evil never winsth."
"Did he just say evil never wins?" Super Goof asked incredulously.
"I do believe that is exactly what he said. If that's the case, I believe we have merely been misread," Underdog added with a nod of agreement, just as Hoppy broke free from the icy prison.
Just as it seemed another brawl was imminent, Super Goof and Underdog stepped in, acting as the peacekeeping super-heroes, and unraveled the entire misunderstanding.
Meanwhile, Powdered Toast Man, Ren, and Stimpy regained consciousness, their heads still spinning, just in time to hear the two super-canines' explanation.
"Well, I wasth wrong about you guysth, and I'm hero enough to admit it. If the fate of the world hangsth in the balansthe, then thisth looksth like a job for... oh, you know who," Stupor Duck said sheepishly, his feathers ruffled but his heart in the right place.
And so, in this oddball corner of the multiverse, a motley crew of heroes and a rather bumbling duck learned that sometimes, the most heroic acts involve setting aside misunderstandings and embracing the quirks that make each hero unique.
***
In the urban municipality of Goat-Ham City on Earth-C-Minus, the Porker, a cunning swine villain, had outsmarted the wealthy Michigan J. Frog, making off with his cherished copyrights.
Smirking, the Porker crowed, "Froggy, old buddy, no need to croak about it! I just had a hankerin' for your copyrights to all them Bruteway show tunes!"
Suddenly, Bat-Mouse crashed dramatically through a window. "You won't be headlining Bruteway anytime soon, Porker! Unless it's for 'Prisoner: The Musical'!"
Taken aback, the Porker cried, "Bat-Mouse? You solved my riddle? Well, I'll be a pig in a poke!"
Bat-Mouse landed a punch on the Porker, sending him tumbling. "Wasn't exactly brain surgery, Porker. Your clues were about as subtle as a bull in a china shop!"
Suddenly, the Porker squirted a stream of rapidly expanding glue at Bat-Mouse from a flower on his lapel. With a grin, the Porker quipped, "Stuck in a jam, Bat-Mouse? Feeling a bit slow today, huh?"
Then a desperate voice echoed from afar. A strange apparition then appeared of a green-skinned turtle with a large yellow beak who wore a somewhat familiar-looking costume consisting of a red shirt with a yellow insignia reading TM, blue pants, red boots with little yellow wings, and a silvery helmet with bigger yellow wings. "Help! Anyone!" the super-speedster turtle pleaded in a voice that echoed as if it were coming from somewhere distant.
The Crash? pondered Bat-Mouse. If so, he's wearing a different costume! I'll break free and get to the bottom of this!
Nervous, the Porker said, "Hey, no fair butting in, Crash! You're a long way from Centrum City! But hey, since you look like you're slower than a snail in a rocket race, dodge this!" He then fired bullets at the apparition, but they had no effect on the terrified turtle.
"Enough, Porker!" shouted Bat-Mouse, disarming the Porker with a loud KANG! of his batarang.
Nursing his sore fingers, the Porker cried, "Owww! You know, you're a real pain in the ham, Bat!"
"Larkham Loony Bin's got a cozy padded cell waiting for you!" said Bat-Mouse. "I'm sure they'll provide you a Band-Aid with your straitjacket."
As the apparition of the tortoise hero began to disintegrate, he moaned in an unearthly tone, "Please... save... world..."
This doesn't seem like the Porker's doing, Bat-Mouse realized, utterly mystified. Something fishy is going on here!
Taking that moment to make a hasty exit, the Porker shouted, "Catch you on the flip side, Bats!"
Looking worried, Bat-Mouse called, "Where are you, Crash? Hang in there!"
The hero, crumbling away, could only moan, "Fading... world... dying..."
Aghast, Bat-Mouse cried, "The Crash is turning into cosmic dust -- if that was the Crash at all! What in the world is happening?"
***
In a strange corner of the galaxy, fifteen extraordinary animal heroes (plus one out-of-place human) found themselves on a golden round space satellite. Their bewildered expressions reflected their utter confusion.
"I am... Uncle Monitor Lizard," their host said with flair, "and I've gathered you here because your universes are in deep doo-doo!"
Displaying dramatic slides of a world's demise, he continued. "Over a thousand universes have already gone poof! Earth-Reverse-C was the latest victim! Now, the bad guys are smashing through dimensional barriers, and it's apocalypse o'clock! First, you'll deal with wacky stuff like earthquakes and floods, and then, bam, it's game over, folks!"
As Mystery Mink clutched tightly to him, Stormwing said accusingly, "Hold on a minute! You, 'Uncle,' are notorious for selling weapons to the bad guys! Spill the cosmic beans!"
Uncle Monitor Lizard let out a melodramatic sigh. "I'm here to save your worlds, not spar with you. I'm... drained, but I'll explain."
Fuming, the Wuz-Wolf slowly approached Uncle Monitor Lizard. "You turned me down when I needed weapons!" he growled. "I vowed revenge then! Now, Wuz-Wolf will--!"
With a fierce lunge at Uncle Monitor Lizard, the Wuz-Wolf instead rebounded off a force-field, nearly knocking himself out.
"You ain't doing diddly-squat, bucko," said Uncle Monitor Lizard. "I said no because your plan for those weapons was nuttier than a squirrel on caffeine."
As her fiery birdlike aura enveloped her, Duck Phoenix dragged Wuz-Wolf away and said, "Are you nuts? What if he's telling the truth?"
"Lemme go, you cluckin' chicken!" cried Wuz-Wolf.
"Uncle, you look so feeble," whispered Lulu, approaching him from behind.
"My enemy's growing stronger," whispered Uncle Monitor Lizard, "while I'm wilting faster than a daisy in a sandpit. But don't fret, Lulu... I'll survive. I just need some of Harebringer's mojo. These Earthlings are too much."
Lulu nodded and whispered, "I'm with you..."
As she transformed back into Harebringer, she wondered, Why do I feel this way? A strange energy's bubbling inside me... And why do I despise the one who saved me? Why?!
Rallying the team, Super-Turtle said, "I've heard whispers about this 'Uncle,' but my super-peepers never could spot his satellite in orbit. Let's give him a piece of our minds. If he's fibbing, we'll wallop him good!"
"Listen up," said Uncle Monitor Lizard. "I'm cosmically connected to the multiverse, which grants me power. But as our enemy runs wild, destroying universe after universe, I wither away. If you fail, they'll obliterate everything, and I'll be powerless to stop it."
"Why us?" asked Merryman. "Couldn't you find heroes with better stats? I'm just the leader of the Inferior Five, for cryin' out loud! I don't even have any powers!"
"If he was fibbing," Ch'p noted, "my power ring would've let me know. I think the big lizard is telling the truth!"
"I'm utterly lost," clucked Red-Hen Tornado. "Who the heck are these critters?"
"W-we're from different times and places, Red-Hen Tornado," replied Timmy the Timid Ghost, always willing to lend a helping hand. "You probably wouldn't have run into more than one or two of us before."
"This Uncle Monitor Lizard character is about as trustworthy as Harvey Swinestein on a casting couch!" said Duck Phoenix. "I say we get out of here."
"Calm down, Duck Phoenix," replied Golden Retriever. "Let's hear him out."
"I'm not buying this tale," growled the Wuz-Wolf, nursing a goose egg on his head.
"We aren't either, Wuz-Wolf," replied Super-Turtle. "But still, let's lend an ear."
"Everything I've done thus far has been done in order to test the powers and weapons of yourselves and others from my own personal editions of Who's Who," explained Uncle Monitor Lizard. "You're my go-to crew. More will join as needed. The fate of all existence... hangs on... you..." Holding one trembling hand up to his forehead, his voice trailed off as he began passing out.
"He's losing it," noted Doctor Ub'x. "If we band together, we could take him down easily."
"No, Doc," replied Ch'p. "He's telling the truth, and we've got to help him!"
"Ehh, I'm buying what he's selling," replied Louie the Psycho-Parrot. "Call it a hunch."
Suddenly materializing in costume, Harebringer shouted, "Stop yapping and swear to help Uncle Monitor Lizard, already!"
"Finally, you show up after all this time!" cried Lady Bird-Dog.
"Let's get down to brass tacks," Harebringer continued, now all business as she explained their mission. "Uncle Monitor Lizard has planted giant tuning forks in various places across time. We must protect them from our hidden foes."
Something about that bunny seems eerie, said Ala-Kat-Zam, but I trust Uncle Monitor Lizard.
Pointing toward her mentor, Harebringer said, "Uncle Monitor Lizard's too weakened to do the job alone. Will you stand by him?"
"Sure!" Super-Turtle. "We'll help now and fact-check later."
"Where are we headed, anyway?" asked Blue Beetle.
"Yeah, where?" added Lady Bug.
"You'll all find out soon enough!" cried Harebringer.
With a flash of light, the whole group vanished suddenly, scattered across the cosmic expanse of the multiverse.
Pulling a blanket over Uncle Monitor Lizard and ensuring that he gets an undisturbed nap, Harebringer said gently, "Rest up, Uncle. I'll fill in the gang as needed."
Inwardly, though, her thoughts were in turmoil. I must betray him, she realized. Your enemy's commands are too powerful to resist. I'm sorry, Uncle. I'm so sorry.
by Doc Quantum, with Comickook
Once upon a time on a deserted island, there lived an oddball pair known as Robin Crusoe, the pleasantly plump orange bird in a makeshift robe, and his loyal sidekick, Friday, a primitive black cat in a grass skirt. (*)
[(*) Editor's note: See Robin Crusoe, Funny Folks #8 (June-July, 1947).]
One sunny day, Friday spotted a peculiar threat approaching their bamboo hut. Giant sloths, furry and slothful, lumbered their way across the island. Friday, torn between fear and excitement, decided to take action.
With a heroic leap, Friday pounced onto the sloth leader, startling it. "HIYAAAAAA!" he cried out. "Take dat, you colossal sloth!"
Empowered by his own audacity, Friday tried to lead the sloths away from their bamboo sanctuary. However, there was a snag. The stubborn sloth wouldn't budge in the right direction, and Friday began to fret.
In a panic, he cried out to his companion, Robin Crusoe, who appeared utterly unfazed, lounging on a hammock and sipping a fruity drink. He chirped, "Hey, Friday! We're in a pickle, and your performance is less than purrfect!"
Friday smirked back, retorting, "Remember, Boss, it's your hut too! An' I haven't totally mucked things up... yet."
Desperate to divert the slothful threat, Friday deployed all his feline ingenuity, even considering dangling a yarn ball to lure them away. Finally, in a last-ditch effort, his shrewd tactics prevailed, and the sloths changed course, sparing their bamboo abode.
Filled with triumph and a dash of self-pride, Friday boasted, "Look, Boss! I did it! I saved da hut! Get ready for a catnip party in my honor!"
As he envisioned a feast of his favorite treats and the accolades that would follow, Friday's ego swelled. However, his celebration hit a snag when an unnoticed tree branch sent him tumbling off the sloth's back with a loud THUD. Friday yelped in surprise.
Determined not to let a minor hiccup tarnish his newfound hero status, Friday faced the mysterious creature responsible for his fall. "Challenge me, beast!" he declared. "Friday is a hero! I fear no--"
But when he looked in the direction the giant sloths had gone, what he now saw defied belief. A futuristic world with gleaming metal towers and flying contraptions stretched before him. It left him awestruck, and he rushed back to Robin Crusoe, urging him to see the marvel.
Unenthusiastic, Robin left his comfy hammock, skeptical of Friday's story. However, when they arrived, the futuristic city had vanished, leaving only sand dunes and the endless sea. Friday puzzled aloud, "What happened to da city? Who played hide 'n' seek wit' it?"
Dismissing Friday's wild tale, Robin returned to his hammock, shaking his head. "Sure, pal, sure. You probably took a coconut to the noggin," he quipped.
Although deflated, Friday remained proud of his heroic feat, nodding in agreement. "Yer right, Boss. Maybe some coconut got da best of me. Let's ferget dat city and revel in my triumph!"
But Friday still couldn't help but wonder where the giant sloths could have gone to. The mystery would endure, but it didn't dampen his spirit.
***
In the futuristic capital city of Canine-Feline World, the Space Canine Patrol Agents, joined by Power Puss of the Space Cat Patrol Agents, had set out to find their missing friend, Lady Bird-Dog. (*)
[(*) Editor's note: See "The Dog from S.C.P.A.," Superboy #131 (July, 1966).]
Hot Dog, the Dachshund, scratched his head in confusion. "Where's Lady Bird-Dog disappeared to?"
Paw Pooch, the blue Dalmatian, comforted him. "Don't worry, Hot Dog. We'll find her!"
Hot Dog sighed with relief. "Good, because we can't just leave her hanging!"
Chameleon Collie, the camouflage expert, asked, "Mammoth Miss, any idea why she didn't signal us?"
Mammoth Miss, who could grow huge, shook her head. "I've got no clue. She doesn't usually vanish like this."
Power Puss, the space-savvy cat, perked up. "Wait, Chameleon Collie, do you hear that?"
Chameleon Collie focused on his communicator. "Oh yes, Power Puss. I hear it loud and clear. It's our top dog, Tail Terrier, and it sounds like trouble!"
Tail Terrier's green-furred hologram appeared, sending an urgent message. "Chameleon Collie, Ghost Pup, Hot Dog, Mammoth Miss, and Power Puss, I need you at Paws Plaza immediately! Something fishy's happening!"
At Paws Plaza, two police dogs in a hovercar witnessed large primitive animals causing chaos.
One of the officers, named Sid, exclaimed, "Holy cats! What are those?"
Freddy, his partner, was more composed. "They're giant sloths. But I've got one question..."
Sid leaned in. "What is it, Freddy?"
"How did they end up here?" yowled Freddy. "They've been extinct for ages!"
Below, police dogs prepared to shoot the sloths.
The captain ordered, "Ready... aim... and..."
But Ghost Pup appeared, floating up out of the ground and halting the plan. "Hold your fire! We've got this!"
The captain changed his tune. "Cease fire! It's the Space Canine Patrol Agents!"
One police dog quipped, "Well, they've sure marked their territory, anyway!"
Power Puss used lightning to startle the sloths. ZAP! ZAP! "This will only work so much!" she declared. "These giant sloths need a leader to follow!"
Hot Dog urged his fellow SCPA member, "Hurry, Chameleon Collie! We can't lose Lady Bird-Dog's trail!"
Chameleon Collie blended with the sloths. "Don't worry, Hot Dog. I've got this. Mammoth Miss, ready?"
At the drop of a hat, Mammoth Miss grew herself much bigger and rounder than she'd been before. "As ready as a big dog can be!"
She had begun to reach for the sloths, when they suddenly vanished. "They're disappearing?" muttered Mammoth Miss.
Power Puss was puzzled. "Where did they go?"
Ghost Pup couldn't figure it out, either. "First Lady Bird-Dog vanishes, then these giant sloths appear and vanish. I can't make heads nor tails of it!"
The police captain scratched his head. "Better contact your top dog."
As if on cue, Tail Terrier's voice broke through the SCPA communicators, sounding urgent, "Forget the sloths and Lady Bird-Dog for now. We have a bigger problem! An anti-matter energy surge is heading to Earth, strong enough to obliterate the universe!"
***
In a peculiar corner of the multiverse, a black-feathered duck named Cluck Trent, sporting a navy blue suit and hat, a flamboyant red bowtie, and scholarly glasses, had a ringside seat to the arrival of an extraordinary assembly. The likes of Pewriah, Powdered Toast Man, Ren and Stimpy, Super Goof, his pals Mickey and Donald, Underdog, and Hoppy the Marvel Bunny had landed in his world. Stupor Duck's knowledge about them barely scratched the surface, but their appearances hinted at incredible power.
With a furrowed brow, Stupor Duck decided to face the threat they might pose. In his finest theatrical voice, he lifted one hand and declared, "Thisth looksth like a job for... Sthtupor Duck!" In a whirlwind of activity, he swiftly donned his iconic blue tights and red cape.
Stupor Duck zoomed after Pewriah and his peculiar posse. First, he surprised Powdered Toast Man with a colossal punch. Then, in a slapstick frenzy, he clanged Ren and Stimpy's heads together like cymbals, leaving Hoppy no time to react. Super Goof, too engrossed in safeguarding Mickey and Donald, watched in awe, while Underdog patiently waited for his moment to shine. Pewriah, well-versed in these super-hero skirmishes, simply sighed from the sidelines, having witnessed countless misunderstandings before.
"Look, buddy, if it's trouble you're looking for, you came to the right rabbit," quipped Hoppy the Marvel Bunny. He zipped toward Stupor Duck at breakneck speed, pinning him against a wall. Stupor Duck wriggled free just in the nick of time, narrowly dodging Hoppy's punch, which, unintentionally, left a rabbit-shaped hole in a massive four-foot-thick brick wall.
Undeterred by the bunny-sized mishap, Stupor Duck initiated a super-spin that would have impressed any top-notch ballerina. He finally managed to dislodge Hoppy and retaliated with a punch that could knock the socks off a herd of elephants. But to his amazement, Hoppy remained not only standing but floating, grinning from ear to ear.
"I don't get it. I put enough musthcle behind that punch to kayo three eight-hundred-pound gorillasth," Stupor Duck muttered, perplexed. His confusion led him to unleash a frosty exhalation of super-breath on Hoppy, encasing the Marvel Bunny in a sizeable block of ice.
"There!" Stupor Duck proudly proclaimed. "That should teach you not to invade the home turf of... Sthtupor Duck. After all, evil never winsth."
"Did he just say evil never wins?" Super Goof asked incredulously.
"I do believe that is exactly what he said. If that's the case, I believe we have merely been misread," Underdog added with a nod of agreement, just as Hoppy broke free from the icy prison.
Just as it seemed another brawl was imminent, Super Goof and Underdog stepped in, acting as the peacekeeping super-heroes, and unraveled the entire misunderstanding.
Meanwhile, Powdered Toast Man, Ren, and Stimpy regained consciousness, their heads still spinning, just in time to hear the two super-canines' explanation.
"Well, I wasth wrong about you guysth, and I'm hero enough to admit it. If the fate of the world hangsth in the balansthe, then thisth looksth like a job for... oh, you know who," Stupor Duck said sheepishly, his feathers ruffled but his heart in the right place.
And so, in this oddball corner of the multiverse, a motley crew of heroes and a rather bumbling duck learned that sometimes, the most heroic acts involve setting aside misunderstandings and embracing the quirks that make each hero unique.
***
In the urban municipality of Goat-Ham City on Earth-C-Minus, the Porker, a cunning swine villain, had outsmarted the wealthy Michigan J. Frog, making off with his cherished copyrights.
Smirking, the Porker crowed, "Froggy, old buddy, no need to croak about it! I just had a hankerin' for your copyrights to all them Bruteway show tunes!"
Suddenly, Bat-Mouse crashed dramatically through a window. "You won't be headlining Bruteway anytime soon, Porker! Unless it's for 'Prisoner: The Musical'!"
Taken aback, the Porker cried, "Bat-Mouse? You solved my riddle? Well, I'll be a pig in a poke!"
Bat-Mouse landed a punch on the Porker, sending him tumbling. "Wasn't exactly brain surgery, Porker. Your clues were about as subtle as a bull in a china shop!"
Suddenly, the Porker squirted a stream of rapidly expanding glue at Bat-Mouse from a flower on his lapel. With a grin, the Porker quipped, "Stuck in a jam, Bat-Mouse? Feeling a bit slow today, huh?"
Then a desperate voice echoed from afar. A strange apparition then appeared of a green-skinned turtle with a large yellow beak who wore a somewhat familiar-looking costume consisting of a red shirt with a yellow insignia reading TM, blue pants, red boots with little yellow wings, and a silvery helmet with bigger yellow wings. "Help! Anyone!" the super-speedster turtle pleaded in a voice that echoed as if it were coming from somewhere distant.
The Crash? pondered Bat-Mouse. If so, he's wearing a different costume! I'll break free and get to the bottom of this!
Nervous, the Porker said, "Hey, no fair butting in, Crash! You're a long way from Centrum City! But hey, since you look like you're slower than a snail in a rocket race, dodge this!" He then fired bullets at the apparition, but they had no effect on the terrified turtle.
"Enough, Porker!" shouted Bat-Mouse, disarming the Porker with a loud KANG! of his batarang.
Nursing his sore fingers, the Porker cried, "Owww! You know, you're a real pain in the ham, Bat!"
"Larkham Loony Bin's got a cozy padded cell waiting for you!" said Bat-Mouse. "I'm sure they'll provide you a Band-Aid with your straitjacket."
As the apparition of the tortoise hero began to disintegrate, he moaned in an unearthly tone, "Please... save... world..."
This doesn't seem like the Porker's doing, Bat-Mouse realized, utterly mystified. Something fishy is going on here!
Taking that moment to make a hasty exit, the Porker shouted, "Catch you on the flip side, Bats!"
Looking worried, Bat-Mouse called, "Where are you, Crash? Hang in there!"
The hero, crumbling away, could only moan, "Fading... world... dying..."
Aghast, Bat-Mouse cried, "The Crash is turning into cosmic dust -- if that was the Crash at all! What in the world is happening?"
***
In a strange corner of the galaxy, fifteen extraordinary animal heroes (plus one out-of-place human) found themselves on a golden round space satellite. Their bewildered expressions reflected their utter confusion.
"I am... Uncle Monitor Lizard," their host said with flair, "and I've gathered you here because your universes are in deep doo-doo!"
Displaying dramatic slides of a world's demise, he continued. "Over a thousand universes have already gone poof! Earth-Reverse-C was the latest victim! Now, the bad guys are smashing through dimensional barriers, and it's apocalypse o'clock! First, you'll deal with wacky stuff like earthquakes and floods, and then, bam, it's game over, folks!"
As Mystery Mink clutched tightly to him, Stormwing said accusingly, "Hold on a minute! You, 'Uncle,' are notorious for selling weapons to the bad guys! Spill the cosmic beans!"
Uncle Monitor Lizard let out a melodramatic sigh. "I'm here to save your worlds, not spar with you. I'm... drained, but I'll explain."
Fuming, the Wuz-Wolf slowly approached Uncle Monitor Lizard. "You turned me down when I needed weapons!" he growled. "I vowed revenge then! Now, Wuz-Wolf will--!"
With a fierce lunge at Uncle Monitor Lizard, the Wuz-Wolf instead rebounded off a force-field, nearly knocking himself out.
"You ain't doing diddly-squat, bucko," said Uncle Monitor Lizard. "I said no because your plan for those weapons was nuttier than a squirrel on caffeine."
As her fiery birdlike aura enveloped her, Duck Phoenix dragged Wuz-Wolf away and said, "Are you nuts? What if he's telling the truth?"
"Lemme go, you cluckin' chicken!" cried Wuz-Wolf.
"Uncle, you look so feeble," whispered Lulu, approaching him from behind.
"My enemy's growing stronger," whispered Uncle Monitor Lizard, "while I'm wilting faster than a daisy in a sandpit. But don't fret, Lulu... I'll survive. I just need some of Harebringer's mojo. These Earthlings are too much."
Lulu nodded and whispered, "I'm with you..."
As she transformed back into Harebringer, she wondered, Why do I feel this way? A strange energy's bubbling inside me... And why do I despise the one who saved me? Why?!
Rallying the team, Super-Turtle said, "I've heard whispers about this 'Uncle,' but my super-peepers never could spot his satellite in orbit. Let's give him a piece of our minds. If he's fibbing, we'll wallop him good!"
"Listen up," said Uncle Monitor Lizard. "I'm cosmically connected to the multiverse, which grants me power. But as our enemy runs wild, destroying universe after universe, I wither away. If you fail, they'll obliterate everything, and I'll be powerless to stop it."
"Why us?" asked Merryman. "Couldn't you find heroes with better stats? I'm just the leader of the Inferior Five, for cryin' out loud! I don't even have any powers!"
"If he was fibbing," Ch'p noted, "my power ring would've let me know. I think the big lizard is telling the truth!"
"I'm utterly lost," clucked Red-Hen Tornado. "Who the heck are these critters?"
"W-we're from different times and places, Red-Hen Tornado," replied Timmy the Timid Ghost, always willing to lend a helping hand. "You probably wouldn't have run into more than one or two of us before."
"This Uncle Monitor Lizard character is about as trustworthy as Harvey Swinestein on a casting couch!" said Duck Phoenix. "I say we get out of here."
"Calm down, Duck Phoenix," replied Golden Retriever. "Let's hear him out."
"I'm not buying this tale," growled the Wuz-Wolf, nursing a goose egg on his head.
"We aren't either, Wuz-Wolf," replied Super-Turtle. "But still, let's lend an ear."
"Everything I've done thus far has been done in order to test the powers and weapons of yourselves and others from my own personal editions of Who's Who," explained Uncle Monitor Lizard. "You're my go-to crew. More will join as needed. The fate of all existence... hangs on... you..." Holding one trembling hand up to his forehead, his voice trailed off as he began passing out.
"He's losing it," noted Doctor Ub'x. "If we band together, we could take him down easily."
"No, Doc," replied Ch'p. "He's telling the truth, and we've got to help him!"
"Ehh, I'm buying what he's selling," replied Louie the Psycho-Parrot. "Call it a hunch."
Suddenly materializing in costume, Harebringer shouted, "Stop yapping and swear to help Uncle Monitor Lizard, already!"
"Finally, you show up after all this time!" cried Lady Bird-Dog.
"Let's get down to brass tacks," Harebringer continued, now all business as she explained their mission. "Uncle Monitor Lizard has planted giant tuning forks in various places across time. We must protect them from our hidden foes."
Something about that bunny seems eerie, said Ala-Kat-Zam, but I trust Uncle Monitor Lizard.
Pointing toward her mentor, Harebringer said, "Uncle Monitor Lizard's too weakened to do the job alone. Will you stand by him?"
"Sure!" Super-Turtle. "We'll help now and fact-check later."
"Where are we headed, anyway?" asked Blue Beetle.
"Yeah, where?" added Lady Bug.
"You'll all find out soon enough!" cried Harebringer.
With a flash of light, the whole group vanished suddenly, scattered across the cosmic expanse of the multiverse.
Pulling a blanket over Uncle Monitor Lizard and ensuring that he gets an undisturbed nap, Harebringer said gently, "Rest up, Uncle. I'll fill in the gang as needed."
Inwardly, though, her thoughts were in turmoil. I must betray him, she realized. Your enemy's commands are too powerful to resist. I'm sorry, Uncle. I'm so sorry.
