Post by redsycorax on Dec 29, 2023 23:59:03 GMT
Hello, fans and assorted other ventilators of that Caped Criminal, Badman!!! This is his fifth-dimensional stalker, Bad-Mite here and we have some Earth-55 hijinks for you!!
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SLOTHAM CITY:
Out in his Badmobile, the Dark Night Desperado was out trying to commit a crime, when his car's rear view mirror spotted three spectral figures. Not again! They did this every Exmass. Fortunately, he had a convenient bell, book and candle lodged in his futility belt for interlopers like those intangible nuisances.
After some fortuitous phrases and some nauseatingly sweet smoke, Badman spotted a waddling figure in the middle of the street. No, it wasn't his rouge gravity enemy, Nun Quinn.
The mysterious figure raised his arms and revealed some rather incongruous wings:
"Tremble, Dark Night Delinquent, for I am ... The Legal Turkey, set to end your reign of error!!!"
"Wait a minute, you're one of the one-note hammy supervillains who never made it to the comics from my sixties television series. What are you doing still up and around?"
"I've come to serve you with a court order for royalty back payments, cheapskate. Pay up or else!"
"But this is Exmass! Look out, there's a large tree shaped monster with razor sharp teeth-"
CHOMP!!!
It was too late, given that this creature was that forbidden entity from the flip side of the season, the Festivus Beast!!!
At this point, a fortuitous magic larriet and red blur interposed themselves into the surroundings:
"Captain Swift and Princess Power of the Freedom Brigade. Moan. Okay, I'll beat myself up and put on these cuffs."
"Uh, Brian? You actually haven't done anything larcenous, so we can't arrest you."
"Billy's right. We're just investigating the sighting of the garishly costumed ex-supervillain, who seems to have become Exmass dinner for that anthropophagous tree beast, now repurposed as firewood. Merry Exmass, Badman!"
As the teleporter took them back up to the FBUS satellite, Badman was startled. Could Exmass have had mercy on him after all?
Just as he pondered the philosophical implications of that, however, a plummetting piano fell on him.
Extracting himself from the debris, Badman staggered back to his Badmobile, wishing everyone bad will and grease.
THE END
+++
SLOTHAM CITY:
Out in his Badmobile, the Dark Night Desperado was out trying to commit a crime, when his car's rear view mirror spotted three spectral figures. Not again! They did this every Exmass. Fortunately, he had a convenient bell, book and candle lodged in his futility belt for interlopers like those intangible nuisances.
After some fortuitous phrases and some nauseatingly sweet smoke, Badman spotted a waddling figure in the middle of the street. No, it wasn't his rouge gravity enemy, Nun Quinn.
The mysterious figure raised his arms and revealed some rather incongruous wings:
"Tremble, Dark Night Delinquent, for I am ... The Legal Turkey, set to end your reign of error!!!"
"Wait a minute, you're one of the one-note hammy supervillains who never made it to the comics from my sixties television series. What are you doing still up and around?"
"I've come to serve you with a court order for royalty back payments, cheapskate. Pay up or else!"
"But this is Exmass! Look out, there's a large tree shaped monster with razor sharp teeth-"
CHOMP!!!
It was too late, given that this creature was that forbidden entity from the flip side of the season, the Festivus Beast!!!
At this point, a fortuitous magic larriet and red blur interposed themselves into the surroundings:
"Captain Swift and Princess Power of the Freedom Brigade. Moan. Okay, I'll beat myself up and put on these cuffs."
"Uh, Brian? You actually haven't done anything larcenous, so we can't arrest you."
"Billy's right. We're just investigating the sighting of the garishly costumed ex-supervillain, who seems to have become Exmass dinner for that anthropophagous tree beast, now repurposed as firewood. Merry Exmass, Badman!"
As the teleporter took them back up to the FBUS satellite, Badman was startled. Could Exmass have had mercy on him after all?
Just as he pondered the philosophical implications of that, however, a plummetting piano fell on him.
Extracting himself from the debris, Badman staggered back to his Badmobile, wishing everyone bad will and grease.
THE END